Casablanca
by el spirito
Summary: Our boys don't go unscathed during the events of the movie and it's up to Waverly to set them straight. featuring mild h/c, exasperated Waverly, and bromance.*missing scene, so spoilers if you haven't seen the movie yet*


Waverly was sure that he'd probably had more stressful days than this at some point in his life, but at the moment he honestly couldn't think of any. It had all turned out all right in the end, of course, with both Victoria and the bomb being taken care of in one fell swoop. Still, surveying the agents in front of him now, Waverly wondered if the worst part wasn't yet to come.

Illya was standing stiffly with one arm crossing his chest; it was probably meant to look casual, but Waverly could tell the stance was actually an attempt to brace injured ribs. Solo was sitting down and looking rather pale, with his normally perfectly coiffed hair drooping. That, if nothing else, set off alarms in Waverly's head. Gaby was between them, holding her arm gingerly and looking on the verge of exhaustion.

"Right," he said, clapping his hands together and strolling up to them. "That was a job well done, very well done indeed. Been a hell of a few days though, eh? Do any of you need to see medical?"

Gaby looked up immediately. "I may have strained my shoulder earlier," she said. "Otherwise I think I'm alright."

Waverly nodded and turned to his newest agents. "And what about you lads?"

Illya shook his head and lifted a hand, eyebrows raised. Solo even managed a smile, thought it lacked his usual charm and said, "All good here, thanks."

Waverly scrubbed at his forehead and barely managed to suppress a sigh. "Gentlemen–"

"Illya took a rather nasty fall down a mountainside with his motorcycle on top of him," Gaby said. Illya frowned at her.

"I am perfectly –"

"I'm sure he's injured his ribs," Gaby continued, bowling right over the tall Russian. Illya blinked. Solo, for his part, smirked with all the sincerity he could muster. "And Napoleon was beaten by a tire wrench. Severely."

Solo looked up at her with a wounded expression, made worse when Illya got a glint in his eye and leaned forward.

"He was electrocuted as well," he said. Solo glared up at him even as Gaby turned to Solo with a frown.

"I'm wounded Illya," Solo said, clasping at his chest. "And I didn't even mention that you suffered a near drowning!"

Gaby whirled to glare at Illya now, who was glaring at Solo, who was glaring at Illya. Waverly watched them bicker and didn't even try to hold back the sigh this time.

xxxx

Two hours and one very interesting conversation with the infirmary's doctor later, Waverly made his way to the room where Illya and Solo were confined, and, from the sound of it, arguing with one another.

"Ah, lovely to see you two getting on so well," Waverly said as he entered the room. Illya was sitting on the edge of his bed, bandaged around his midsection. Solo had less mobility as he was connected to a heart monitor, but he was shooting daggers at the Russian. They both looked up at him as he entered and walked to the end of Illya's bed, flipping idly through the chart before doing the same to Solo's. He wanted them listening for this.

"Solo," he said, bracing his arms against the footboard of Solo's bed. "You were electrocuted with a voltage high enough to cause a nosebleed. Did you know that can be quite dangerous?"

Solo shrugged noncommittally and refused to make eye contact. Illya, though, was listening intently.

"They can mess with your heart," Waverly said, gesturing vaguely at his chest, "and cause all sorts of problems. Arrhythmias and the like. Do you know what tachycardia is? I'm sure you do, but I'll refresh you. It's when your heart beats rather too quickly, out of control even. It can be quite dangerous and can even cause death, did you know that?"

Solo shifted awkwardly and Illya stood up, a hand pressed to his ribs.

"Did you have this, Cowboy?" he asked, glancing first at Solo and then at Waverly. "Since the electrocution?"

"It – it wasn't anything too bad," Solo said, plucking at the blanket covering his legs. It was perhaps the first time Waverly had seen the man truly uncomfortable. Interesting.

" _Not too bad_ – did you not hear Waverly? Why did you not tell me?"

Solo looked up, finally, jaw tense. "So you do care, then," he said. Illya muttered an expletive in Russian and threw his hand up, wincing when the movement jarred his injuries.

"No," he said. "I care only about the mission. I needed to know you were injured so that we would not be compromised."

"Good thing we aren't working together anymore, then," Solo said. "Won't be a problem again."

"No," Illya said, settling back onto the bed. "It won't."

"You didn't come off unscathed either," Waverly said, pointing his pen in Illya's direction. "Three broken ribs and a mild lung contusion. You were one wrong move away from puncturing a hole in that lung of yours. As it is, you've both earned yourselves a night in the infirmary."

Both men were quiet and looking at anything other than each other, so Waverly decided to go for the killing blow. He stood straight and smiled at them.

"It could have been much worse," he said. " _Would_ have been, if you two hadn't been working together. I'm not sure I've ever seen such disparate agents as yourselves come together in such a brilliant team. It was a pleasure working with you lads."

He didn't turn around as he walked away, but he didn't hear any arguing as he left. Perhaps it had worked, then.

xxxx

As soon as Waverly saw the disc burning he knew it had worked. He was also glad that he had already gotten permission for U.N.C.L.E. as it didn't seem likely that either the CIA or the KGB would look too favorably upon the rogue actions of their agents. As it was, he'd already had to all but bully his way to permission.

"Lads, a word?" he said, once all three of his new agents had had a moment to process their shock. They trudged over to him with all the excitement of schoolboys about to be paddled.

"Right," Waverly said. "I want to make one thing very, very clear. There cannot be another yesterday moving forward. In the event that you are injured, you are to tell me. Illya, I know you were not badly injured, so you get a bit more slack here, but Solo, you were having bloody _cardiac arrhythmias_ and didn't say anything. Even if you have to continue on your mission, you are to tell me so that you can be monitored, and your partner can be monitored. Do not mistake my affable nature – if you do not inform me, the consequences will be severe. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Solo said.

"Yes," Illya said a beat later.

"Wonderful," Waverly said. "Then I'll let the two of you rest up before we leave for Istanbul tomorrow. Try not to get into too much trouble, eh?"

"Right," Solo said.

"Of course," Illya added.

Waverly sighed again as he walked away. He felt rather like he was making either the biggest mistake of his life, or the best decision and supposed that, really, only time would tell.


End file.
